Os especialistas afirmam que a decisão de um homem assumir e manter um relacionamento está ligado também ao momento de vida já que invarialvelmente, associa o casamento à perda de liberdade.
No entanto quanto mais maduros, sentem-se prontos para assumir um relacionamento a dois mais estável e sem arrependimentos não se importando em abrir mão dessa “liberdade”.
Outrossim, da mesma forma como acontece com as mulheres, o compromisso é muito importante na vida de um homem. Eles também tem necessidade de segurança emocional, acolhimento, contar com alguém ou uma família que lhe aguarda. Muitos gostam de protegere ser protegido, muitos anseiam por construir um projeto de vida a dois.
Atualmente ninguém quer se vincular a alguém dependente, pesada emocionalmente, que empate na vida ou estagna o crescimento de uma boa e prazeirosa relação a dois.
De vez em quando, a mídia lança novas idéias sobre como deve ser o homem. Durante algum tempo, foi o “cara sensível, estilo New Age”. Depois foi a vez do “metrossexual”, aconselhando o homem a desenvolver seu lado feminino.
Já ouvi homens casados dizendo aos jovens que a chave para um casamento feliz é: “Sim, querida”. Já recebi e-mails repletos de piadas que ridicularizam os homens – como aquela: “Qual a diferença entre um homem e um bom vinho? O vinho amadurece.”
Na televisão, passamos de “Papai Sabe Tudo”, onde o pai era um homem sábio e carinhoso que nunca errava, para Homer Simpson, um bufão que não faz nada certo. Homer realmente influencia as pessoas sobre como um homem deve ser?
Numa pesquisa no Canadá pela firma Ipsos-Reid, mais de 25% dos pais com idades entre 18 a 34 anos se identificam com Homer Simpson quando falam com os filhos sobre um assunto difícil, e quase 20% dos filhos adultos da mesma faixa etária associam o próprio pai com Homer.
Com tantas idéias conflitantes, comecei a procurar alguma coisa séria sobre o homem num relacionamento. Li livros sobre casamento. Não me disseram nada. Li livros judaicos sobre casamento. Encontrei ali muita sabedoria, mas eu estava procurando conselhos sobre como um homem deveria ser.
Pois bem aqui vão algumas dicas conclusivas em cinco lições:
Lição nº 1:
Assuma a responsabilidade
Aprenda com Ian. Não faça coisas que você sabe estarem erradas e depois culpe outros. Se cometer um erro, assuma a responsabilidade pelas suas ações. Um dos significados da palavra “marido” é alguém que gerencia a família com capacidade. Um gerente assume responsabilidades. Com freqüência ele é considerado responsável. As pessoas perguntam a ele: “Por que deixou que isso continuasse?” Um homem tem de olhar para si mesmo e ver como pode mudar as próprias ações para lidar adequadamente com situações semelhantes.
Lição nº 2:
Demonstre liderança
Se um homem deseja ser visto como digno e ter um bom relacionamento com uma mulher, ele precisa mostrar liderança. Quando ele vir uma situação que precisa resolver, deve dar um passo à frente e cuidar do assunto. As pessoas admiram aqueles que dão um passo à frente para lidar com situações difíceis. Não admiramos aqueles que se afastam e esperam que os outros resolvam o problema.
Alguns homem evitam assumir a liderança porque não querem ser criticados. Eles pensam que estão mais seguros assim. Um homem deveria dizer: “Eu cuido disso”, e tomar a iniciativa de encontrar soluções. Se ele não está certo sobre qual é a solução, faz aquilo que os outros líderes fazem – consulta as várias fontes de informação disponíveis.
Lição nº 3:
Tome decisões
Um homem precisa tomar decisões e assumir responsabilidade pelo resultado. Se ele reluta em tomar decisões, ela pode ressentir-se dele. Parte da tomada de decisões é entender as opiniões da outra pessoa e ser flexível. Ela não quer alguém que a controle, mas também não deseja alguém que deixa toda decisão a cargo dela. Um homem que tem medo de tomar uma decisão errada deveria perguntar-se: Quem deve tomar decisões? – alguém que não tem medo de cometer erros.
Lição nº 4:
Seja Forte
O Talmud pergunta: Quem é forte? Aquele que consegue controlar suas paixões (Ética dos Pais, 4:1). Quem consegue controlar sua ira é melhor que um homem fisicamente forte que pode conquistar uma cidade. Explodir em fúria pode prejudicar seriamente um relacionamento. Se um homem acha que não pode controlar sua ira, ele deveria imaginar-se ficando furioso com alguém, então o telefone toca e é seu chefe. Ele se acalmaria? Claro, senão perderia o emprego. Não ficar irado não significa que ele aceita um mau tratamento; ele calmamente estabelece limites no tratamento que aceita dos outros.
Lição nº 5:
Seja homem
Ser homem não significa ser machão. A masculinidade engloba as qualidades positivas de determinação, força nas próprias convicções, autoconfiança, elevadas qualidades morais, autodisciplina, honestidade e integridade. Um homem que é másculo tem coragem para lidar com dificuldades, sofrimento, dor ou perigo sem fugir, apesar de seu medo.
• Para as mulheres: Peça ao seu marido para ler esse artigo.
• Aos homens: Se depois de anos assistindo a Homer Simpson, você ainda não ouviu essas idéias, pergunte à sua esposa se é isso que ela quer. Você pode se surpreender com a resposta dela.
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Gostei do conteudo
Seu comentário é um incentivo e enriquecedor tendo em vista a relevância do assunto exposto principalmente para os homens, mas serve também para mulheres.
Grande abraço
Continue acompanhando, obrigado.
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Gostei! Certa vez ouvi uma frase mais ou menos assim: “Nós amamos a quem admiramos”, logicamente referindo-se ao amor entre o casal. Conclui que isso é uma afirmação tão obvia e que geralmente não nos damos conta. Quando a pessoa a quem amamos não consegue mais despertar nenhuma admiração em nós, perde-se o encanto e morre o amor. Nesse caso, não me refiro a uma cobrança para causar admiração, mas às atitudes espontâneas que torna aquela pessoa tão especial. Em particular, o que você fala sobre o dinheiro, troxe um novo olhar para mim. Quase sempre eu julguei o dinheiro como o motivo de muitos males, compreendi realmente o valor que ele representa e concordo. O poder de construir ou de destruir não é do dinheiro,entendo, mas de quem o manipula, de quem faz dele “o seu senhor”, como você colocou.
19 de abril de 2014 20:27
Seu comentário foi excelente…. esperamos que participe mais com suas observações e continue ajudando os casais em seus relacionamentos. um abraço
Seu comentário é um incentivo e enriquecedor tendo em vista a relevância do assunto exposto principalmente para os homens, mas serve também para mulheres.
Grande abraço